Learning to love my body

This post is going to be personal and something that means a lot to me so thank you for reading.

When I was 15/16 I absolutely hated my body, I always found something wrong with it. I had friends who were skinnier than me and I would always look at myself and make that comparison. I would see photos of us all and hate them because I looked different to my friends and I was not the size I wanted to be.Don’t get me wrong, looking back now I realise I wasn’t a bad size but I compared myself to others which made me feel awful about myself.

Around this time I had a boyfriend who, to be honest, was a huge prick. You can probably guess the direction of where this is going.

It was around April time, my siblings and I had put up some photos of our younger selves for my dad’s surprise birthday party. These photos were all over the wall in our dinning room to add a touch of reminiscing for my dad.

Fast forward a few days later and my boyfriendΒ  was staying over. I can’t remember where everyone else was but we were alone for breakfast in the morning. Sat at the dining table under pictures of my younger self and there is one picture from when I was 8(ISH) and at a birthday party so all glammed up.As we are eating the cereal I so kindly made, my boyfriend turned to me and goes “ugh why don’t you look like that anymore” pointing at this photo of my 8 year old self. He was implying that I was too fat for his liking and wanted me to be the size I was when I was 8. At the time, I was a HUGE pushover. I can’t remember what I said or if I even said anything. It shocked me. We were eating and to think he could say this was shocking.

Looking back now I’m hit with regret that I didn’t slap him in the face or similar. Why on earth would you want someone to look like their 8 year old self? Why would you imply someone is ‘too fat’ for your liking while they’re eating. Well, simply because he was an utter twat. This was the guy who essentially tried to ‘tell me off’ and put me down for having stretch marks. So of course this started to make me hate the way I looked.

It took me a few years after to realise that I shouldn’t have let these comments determine the way I feel about my body and I should learn to love it. Mostly thanks to my husband who made me realise some people are just awful,everyone gets stretch marks eventually as it’s a sign of growth and shares caring words with me when I need it most.

Learning to love my body was hard and well, it still is sometimes. I get days where I feel confident in myself, but then also days where everything I try on makes me feel down. Then on those days where I don’t feel so good about my body, I remember what I have been through this year. I watched my body grow as it grew a tiny human. Then 9 months later I experienced child birth, how my body could do such a thing still amazes me.

So now I am here with plenty more stretch marks to share, extra flabby skin and the most wonderful thing that happened to me, my daughter. When I look at the bigger picture I realise that I love my body for bringing me this love. I may have days where I am not happy with parts of my body, but I love it for what it has given to me.

I haven’t got the time of day for comments that bring me down, but thankfully I have lost all of those individuals who thought it was okay. Now I know that if I were to experience what I did when I was younger again then I wouldn’t hesitate to slap. I also know that I wouldn’t let it affect the way I look at myself. I finally feel good thanks to my husband and baby whom I love so very much.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: